The Awakening (first published on 16 May 2025)

To see the world in new colours

I can't explain it as something other than a spiritual awakening. It was as if those words, although I didn't know what they meant, were formed and created within me at the same time as it happened to me - on a physical level as well as on a consciousness level. As above, so below.

It didn’t arrive like lightning. There was no booming voice, no shining figure. It was quieter than that. But deeper. Like something inside me stopped pretending to be asleep. I didn’t understand what was happening – not with my mind. But my body… my breath… my awareness… they knew. And in that knowing, something shifted forever. Not because I gained something – but because something false fell away.

The world around me had transformed. It was no longer grey – I could see other colours I hadn't seen before. It was no longer simply material – it had become magical. It was no longer dark and hostile – I could sense the silent struggle and the pain our world was in. I understood that I had been part of that pain – but that now, I had become the observer of it – I had detached myself. The illusion had fallen.

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There were signs before this moment. I was always a sensitive child. My tears were never far away.

I can't recall many supernatural experiences as a child. Except for one. One recurring experience.

When I was around 4 years old I had this dream. If dream is really the right word for it. I used to wake up in my room. But the room was different. My vision had a certain texture to it. A fuzziness. The room felt weird – static with some kind of mellow frequency or tune that occupied the room. It felt as if I was in a void of nothingness.

I wasn't alone. And this used to creep me out. In one of the corners of the room was a large black shadowy orb. It didn't move. It was silent. But I knew it was watching me.

This freaked me out every time it happened. I can't remember how many times it was, but it happened on multiple occasions. It wasn't something linked to our house, because it could happen anywhere. I remember that we were visiting a couple of friends in Switzerland one summer. And it happened. In their house, at night – when everyone was asleep.

It's still a bit of a mystery for me. Why did this intelligence, this consciousness, visit me as a child? And why did it scare me so much? Was it intentional?

It wasn't a ghost – at least it didn't feel like the presence of a human soul. It was just observing. Watching me.

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When my spiritual awakening started, this old memory made itself aware – as if a seed had been planted within me some 30 years before this moment. As if the sole purpose of having these experiences as a child was that I should always know. Always be aware that there is more to this world. More to this world than climbing the corporate ladder. More than going on expensive vacations, more than spending money, buying stuff, eating fancy foods and drinking exclusive wines.

All of that now felt hollow. Empty. As if the material world was just a coulisse, a backdrop, an illusion.

I had seen the light. I had reached out to the Universe, the all-knowing – and that force, that light had responded. It was overwhelming. It was fantastic. And it was painful. All at the same time.

I had what most people would die for. A good paying job, a wonderful family. A nice car and a centrally located flat.

But I was struggling. Struggling with the stress of having small children, work, my relationships, and foremost – with myself. I tried to suppress my self-critique and the constant stress by eating too much. Drinking too much. Always keeping myself occupied so that I didn't need to face myself. Face my own thoughts. My intellect, the reason for my material success, was constantly making me self-aware of all my flaws. My self-worth was next to nothing. I didn't feel as if I was in charge — and to some extent I wasn't. I never said no. I had no boundaries. I was always doing things that others wanted me to do. I had given up on myself.

One day, when I was sitting in my office, I got a strange urge. As if I was called from somewhere.

I started looking for a medium. Something I had never done before. My dad had told me about him seeing mediums when I was younger, and I had always dismissed him, thought that he was superstitious – even a bit naive and childlike for believing in stuff like that.

Now I sat there – wearing a dark suit and tie, in my office, in the middle of the materialistic stronghold of the financial industry – googling for mediums located in Stockholm.

Looking for a real and serious psychic can be difficult if you have no clue about the industry or what you are actually looking for. It is, unfortunately, an industry infiltrated by everything from scammers, charlatans, and lunatics. The risk is fairly high that you will end up with one of these latter categories of "psychic mediums".

Fortunately for me – I was guided. It was so strange, but it certainly felt as if I was somehow guided to every decision I took. The Google search. The scrolling. And boom. There she was. I knew directly when I saw her. I just followed my intuition, and every time I did – it was as if the area around my body, the field around my skin was buzzing with energy. As if I could physically feel the confirmation and encouragement in my aura: "yes, correct", “go on”.

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I was nervous before my first meeting with the medium. But it didn't take long before I was completely blown away. She said things, things that I had only kept in my mind. Things I hadn't shared with anyone. It was spot on. My insecurities. My lack of self-respect. Everything was laid out in the open. Things I had tried to hide. Hide from the world around me and especially from myself. My messy life was all there – as if someone other than me was keeping a fucking journal over it. I was mesmerised and I felt relieved… Relieved that someone, somewhere actually saw me – knew me.

But more importantly – the medium gave me tools. Important and valid advice for which I'm forever grateful.

It turned out to be one of the most important meetings in my life. The session with the medium started something within me. Something that I couldn't retain. I started listening to new podcasts, ordered a ton of books on anything metaphysical – I just went all in. And I guess I'm still there – three years later I'm still all in. All into magic. Consciousness. Exploring.

Since that day, I’ve been living my life in different colours. I indulge in life. In myself. Not that there's no struggle in my life – but I do it differently. I'm observing my thoughts, my feelings. In some aspect, I have now myself become the eye of my childhood's dreams, watching over myself. And perhaps that was the purpose of those nightly calls – to remember.